… then I am not interested!
Long story short, if you are in a relationship and your partner does not know, I do not want to be in a relationship with you.
Can we be friends? Sure.
Will I be open to giving you a task? Maybe, it depends on a few factors (my mood, my creativity level, how well I know you, etc.), but your partner not knowing likely wouldn’t be deciding a factor.
So why won’t I engage in a relationship with you if your partner doesn’t know? There are a few reasons:
1. It isn’t fair
It isn’t fair to your partner first and foremost. Whether we only type, swap some photos or we video chat, whether it’s online only or we meet in person, what you are doing is cheating. I do not want to be involved with hurting somebody, or breaking up a relationship. Even though it is not be actively cheating on somebody, I would feel guilty.
2. I do the hard work
I guess this kind of goes along with the unfair thing … Mr. D and I put in a LOT of hard work and effort to be ethically non-monogamous. We have hard, emotional conversations ALL THE TIME! We have to constantly make sure we are communicating and sharing our feelings with each other in order to keep our relationship the relationships with our other partners healthy. We have to be adaptable and flexible. It’s HARD! So why should we have to do that work and you get to just breeze on by and get the rewards without the work?
3. It is limiting
When your partner doesn’t know, you are constantly hiding something. You might need to turn your phone off suddenly, even if it is in the middle of a session or even worse, aftercare. You might not be able to talk during certain times of the day, or maybe it just limits you to text only rather than being able to expand to audio or video. Either way, it almost always puts limitations on the relationship.
4. Honesty always
This is always my first rule with my subs, for good reason. You cannot build a relationship, any relationship, based on lies. It is just not going to work out. And it makes me wonder … if you are willing to lie about something so big to your current partner, how am I supposed to trust that you are not going to lie to me as well?
5. Somebody is going to get hurt
Very few lies ever go undetected forever. The truth almost always comes out. When it does, somebody is going to get hurt. At that point, I don’t worry so much about how you will fair. However, your partner will likeluy be crushed. It may end your relationship, it may not, but one thing I know for sure, our relationship will very likely end; suddenly and painfully. I don’t want to get attached to somebody who is going to be ripped away from me at any moment. This means that I can’t fully give myself to you, which also means I can never live up to my submissive potential with you. Which is just tragic.
So in conclusion, if you are married, dating, in a casual relationship …. great! I am married. I am dating. I have subs. But if you want to pursue a relationship with me, your partner(s) need to know that you are doing so. Because [B]if your partner doesn’t know, then I am not interested. [/B]