Mr. Devious and I have described our relationship as poly-ish. Even when we first started to date, we had other partners. It has been a pretty steady constant in our relationship. It is still a work in progress for us, and I think it always will be. It takes a lot of communication for us to others to have a place in our relationship.
In 5.5 years, we have only had to deal with two problems with jealousy. One was when Mr. D had a a Domme and he was denied. I felt as though it was taking away my ability to please him as his sub, and it really messed with my head. The other was when a Domme had me write his name on me and Mr. D felt a bit jealous. Both of these times we were able to talk about it and came to a solution that worked for both of us.
Until recently, our outside relationships were not romantic. They were built on a foundation of a power dynamic and I guess I would describe them as intimate friendships. There was sexual play but we were never [I]in[/I] love with our partners.
That is why I use the term poly-[I]ish[/I]. We are open to seeing where our relationships might go, we are open to feelings developing, but we hadn’t encountered that yet … that is .. until now …
Last week, I had my first bout of poly jealousy.
Mr. Devious had an appointment to get a tattoo done. On the morning of the appointment, he sent me a message asking how I would feel about having something drawn by his sub, added to his tattoo.
My first reaction was a sickening feeling in my stomach. I felt like I needed to make a decision immediately and I felt ambushed and just sick at the prospect.
I wanted to scream “HELL NO”. I wanted to have a fit. I wanted to tell Mr. D that I no longer wanted to be poly.
This surprised me because I am not typically the jealous type. I am usually the one who is open and accepting about these things.
It was at this moment that I realized we had shifted into being truly poly. There was more than feelings of friendship between Mr. D and his partner. And if I was being honest, I had felt similar feelings with one of my partners as well.
I could have gone haywire at this point, and to be honest, my mind went there for a short period of time. I felt hurt. I felt sad. Instead, I told Mr. D that I needed time. I needed to sort out my feelings before sharing them.
Throughout the week I struggled off and on. I never doubted Mr. D’s love for me. People tell me all the time that tthey can tell just by the way he looks at me that he is madly in love with me. But knowing that this other partner was sharing a place in his heart that only belonged to me previously, was hard.
So I took the time. I worked through my feelings and then Mr. D and I talked. We talked and we talked and then we had sex and we talked some more. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t comfortable. But we did it.
And it isn’t solved. I am still not comfortable with him having the addition on his tattoo. But we have decided that it is a big decision and that it is a discussion we will revisit in the future.
In the meantime, we have acknowledged that we both are developing romantic feelings for our partners and we are going to focus on navigating that.
Jealousy happens, especially in poly relationships. There are a lot of moving parts, and different people and it can get messy and complicated. But communication is key. Open and honest communication is the only way to do this successfully.