I am bit believer that both a bottom and a top have a responsibility for their own safety while engaging in any type of kink activity or relationship. This not only includes their physical well being, but it extends to their mental wellbeing as well.
This is why it is important to do research about the activities that you are participating in, and use proper communication tactics like negotiating, setting limits and using safewords.
The edgier the play, the more important these things become.
My sub, Jaro, and I have been together for over three years. While our relationship has mostly been online, he did come to visit me this summer. His submission is deep. He currently has very few limits with me, and at one point, he had none. When your power exchange relationships reaches that depth of control, there is an increased responsibility on the Top.
I frequently make decisions on Jaro’s behalf that could impact his life in both positive and negative ways. I ask a lot of him, and push him in ways that he would never push himself without my involvement. I take my power and control very seriously.
A lot of thought and effort goes into making the decisions that I do. I may be strict, but I am not afraid to say that I fucked up and change my mind if something is heading in the wrong direction.
One of the biggest moments of this for me, happened when Jaro visited Canada this summer.
I love mind games.
Before he even landed in Canada, I had him believe that he was going to be blindfolded at a play part, with a sign that stated he would give out free blow jobs to anybody who wanted one. He was freaked out about this prospect, but had pretty much resigned to his fate.
We attended the party, he saw the sign, he held the container with condoms so that he would remain safe, and he sat there and waited for a cock to be put in his straight mouth. At the last moment I switched the sign and instead it read “I am being mindfucked, please taunt me”. He was relieved when I removed the blindfold.
Mind fucks are amazing! But they only work if the bottom truly believes … and thus, I had decided that my next “threat” was not going to be a bluff. Jaro was going to be fucked in the ass.
I arranged the whole thing. My play partner at the time was bi and was willing to fuck Jaro in the ass. He was invited over for dinner and game night and so I told Jaro that it would be happening that day. I even gave him a choice … he could give a blow job or be fucked in the ass. He chose to be fucked in the ass.
He was a nervous mess the whole day, but he was a trooper. After dinner, him and I had an alone moment in the bedroom before we began. I could tell that he was reaching his limit. I put my hands on his shoulders and tried to reassure him. He was shaking. I reminded him that he had a safeword. He expressed concern about using the safeword (he was unsure if it was appropriate since physically he was able to go through with the task and there was technically no reason he couldn’t). I insisted that it was his right to use it, and that I would not be upset if that is what he chose. I asked him multiple times if he wanted to use it. He decided not to and instead went to the bathroom to prepare himself for a cock to enter his ass for the first time.
I had walked into that room 100% sure that I was going to go through with this task. That this was NOT going to be a mind fuck. I was determined to push him through this (unless he safeworded of course), but at that point, I was so unsure of myself.
I had this mans mental well being in my hands. What if he couldn’t handle the mental repercussions of being fucked in the ass by a man? What if he regretted not using the safeword? Was he really consenting if he was confused about being able to safeword? This moment was the hardest decision that I have had to make as a Top.
I know Jaro better than probably anybody else. I am IN his head. I know what he wants, what he likes, what gets him going. I know where to push, and where to pull back. I usually don’t struggle this much.
But I had doubts. I was scared for his mental well being. And so, I did the only thing I could …
I had Jaro put on his hood, and get into the doggy style position on the bed. I brought in my play partner and he got in position behind Jaro. He ripped open the condom and put it on. He stepped closer and eased inside Jaro’s waiting ass. I spoke encouragingly to Jaro as my play partner fucked his ass, moaning and groaning and then stopping as he had a very convincing fake orgasm before removing the dildo from Jaro’s ass.
After he had left the room, I sat down beside Jaro and placed my hand on his back. I told him how proud I was of him. He removed his hood and showed him the dildo that had violated his ass. He didn’t believe me. The whole experience had felt so real to him, that he didn’t believe me. He doubted me so much that he even sniffed the dildo to see if it had gone inside his ass. (This made me laugh so hard by the way).
The mind fuck was still succesfull. He had believed he had been fucked in the ass. But there was no mental repursions. Instead of hiding in shame (as he had originally told me he would do), Jaro was able to come back out and face my play partner and play games with us. The whole situation turned out very well.
But I had never felt so much weight and responsibility as a Top than I did in that moment. I think I made the right decision for both Jaro and I. I hope I did.