I have had the opportunity to try a bunch of kinky things during the last 10 years of my life. I have had multiple Doms over the years and have really enjoyed experiencing many different kinks, toys, sensations and sexual acts.
I have always allowed my list of likes/dislikes/limits to be fluid and ever changing. I like to push my limits and sometimes find myself moving a hard limit into my likes or loves. I am a huge advocate for trying almost everything once. The only way to know if you like something is if you try it.
One of the biggest examples of this was my limit of spanking. Spanking was something that I was never willing to try. It triggered bad memories and feelings of being abused as a child. However, one day circumstances arose that allowed me to try a very simple and light flogger and I really enjoyed the sensation. That opened me up to be willing to try other forms of impact and it let to me LOVING spanking.
And it works both ways as well. Over the years, I have moved a few things into my limits. Sometimes they can be things that were once a like, or other times it can just be something new that I tried and it went wrong.
One example for me would be denial. I have up to 3 days denial listed in my dislikes, but anything over that and it is a hard limit. Denial is something that does not agree with Butterfly. I have learned that I can not function properly while being actively denied and it is not good for my mental health.
Now, even knowing this, I was completely shocked the other day when I discovered a new limit.
You see, I had a spanking thread to celebrate my 6th year on a forum website that I am apart of. In this thread, I gave the opportunity for people to give me edges and custom edges up to a certain number. I never really expected the thread to get past that number, but if it did, I would allow people to give me spankings. Because I didn’t think it would go that far, I really didn’t prepare many stipulations on what the implements could be.
As well as all of the normal implements that I have, there were some really creative suggestions including a wet spatula, slipper and a flip flop. The flip flop was a bit odd, I wasn’t really sure how I felt about it, so I just let it be. But, the one that really caught me off guard was a dildo.
When I first saw the suggestion, I immediately blushed. It made me a bit uncomfortable, but also a bit squirmy. However, the longer I thought about it, and after the second and third post telling me to be spanked with a dildo, I got a rotten feeling in my gut. I didn’t say anything right away, but I knew it was something that I wasn’t going to do. I just couldn’t figure out why.
And then it hit me (pun intended) … being hit with a dildo was, for me, humiliating. Humiliation is something that really borders between a soft limit and hard limit for me. I like to be blushy and slightly embarrassed around somebody who I trust, but the act of feeling humiliated crosses that line into a hard limit.
I felt bad at first. I did not have this listed in my limits and I really didn’t put any conditions the implements, but it was something that I just couldn’t do. I didn’t want to ruin the fun of others, but I also knew that trying this was something that would affect me mentally in a bad way. Of course everybody in the thread were very understanding and I needn’t have worried.
But the whole experience led me to this blog.
Likes, loves, dislikes and limits all can change at any time. They aren’t set in stone. They aren’t fixed. Do not laminate them. Of course, only YOU can decide when they might be ready to be moved, added to or changed in any way. But experiment, try ALL THE THINGS! And don’t be afraid to make some changes as you change and grow.