One week ago, I did a boudoir photo shoot. For those of you who don’t know what that is, it is a glamour shoot, typically done in sexy clothing or lingerie.
It was a huge decision for me. It took a lot of courage. I felt like throwing up. But it was a great accomplishment too.
It really made me think about how far I have come in three years ….
Three years ago, I didn’t even like my picture being taken. I hid from the camera. I would slouch to the back, put my hands over my face, look away, or if all of that failed, I would delete the photos.
Three years ago, I hated myself. I hated looking in the mirror. I would only wear baggy clothes.
Three years ago, I didn’t share photos with anybody. I was too scared of what they might think.
But three years ago, my life started to change.
I met Mr. Devious.
He has been so amazing to me. He has been so amazing FOR me.
Mr. Devious did what nobody else has ever been able to do for me, and that is change the way I felt about myself. He has built me up from a broken little girl to somebody who posed in front of a camera in lingerie!
It didn’t happen over night. It has been a slow and very long process. The journey isn’t even over. We work on it little by little each day. Some days are easier than others, but some days are flat out HARD!
I no longer hate who I am. I no longer hate who I see in the mirror. I no longer hate taking photos … I am actually a selfie queen now.
Three years ago, I never could have considered having sexy photos of me taken. Not only because I wouldn’t have the courage, but because I didn’t feel sexy and never could have imagined somebody else thinking I was sexy.
But last Friday I did it!
These photos are going to be my wedding present to Mr. Devious. He will get to see a full album of the photos on our wedding day. I feel like it is only right to give them to him as a gift because this could not have happened without his love, his support and everything he has done to change me, and change my image of myself. He has given me an even bigger gift: confidence!
I could not have done it without him. And so I wanted to show him what he has done to and for me.
But it is also a gift for myself. Because, although I wanted to throw up last week thinking about getting almost naked in front of a camera, I felt sexy and beautiful and empowered when I left that photo shoot … and even more so when I got the photos back.
And that feels good!