I don’t do denial!
I will let that settle in for a second …….
recovered? Ok, let me explain …
Denial seems to be a hot topic in the kink community. I think 90% of people have orgasm control as a like or love or curiosity (I am making that statistic up, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was pretty close). I too love orgasm control, but denial for me is a LIMIT!
I know it sounds crazy! I am a sub and I don’t do denial? How can I still call myself a sub? Isn’t being horny the point of submission?
Denial for me is not fun. I know, you are thinking “well it isn’t supposed to be fun”, but the thing is, those people that have orgasm denial listed as something they like, and some who have it listed as a dislike actually do like it. It may be a love/hate relationship, but they get pleasure out of it. They may complain and whine but they enjoy it on some level. Maybe it is just the feeling of horniness or the subbiness that comes with it, or even just the level of control their Dom/me can exert. They may love to hate it, but they do love (or at least like it).
Then there are people who tolerate it. It may not be something they like, but they do it, usually because it is something that their Dom/me enjoys and they want to please them.
But I HATE it!!!!
Denial drives me insane.
I am somebody who gets horny very easily at times (I also usually cum in less than 5 minutes most times). If the right words are said, the right thoughts going through my head, the right touch, it comes on rather quickly and all of a sudden, the feeling between my legs is intense. I am throbbing and wet and my nipples are aching. It is intense and my brain fixates on it. If I am being actively teased (even with just words), I honestly cannot think of anything else. My whole body is overcome with the need and I get very distracted: I can’t concentrate on anything except the need to cum. That’s the fantasy right?
Well to be honest, I love the fantasy of denial. I love thinking about my Dom saying no, teasing me for days or weeks without the release, but in those scenarios, I do not have to function in real life. I can live in my horny little fantasy bubble and just be horny with constant attention.
But in real life, if I am worked up and can’t cum, or I am not distracted, I get very grumpy, very irritated. Sometimes it can even cause a feeling of anxiety or stress. Rather than feeling more submissive, I feel more bratty. I act out. I feel like there is a 3 year old inside me having a temper tantrum. I feel out of control.
I cannot handle those feelings, they are not good feelings. It affects my daily life, it affects the people around me, it makes my Dom grumpy, and so I have learned that Denial is not for me.
And that is ok!
It is not a prerequisite for a sub to enjoy (or be willing to tolerate) denial. It may be the norm, it may be something that a lot of people enjoy, and most Doms expect, but it doesn’t mean I have to.
I am sub and I have denial listed as a limit. Anything up to 3 days would be considered a dislike (this would be something that should be only used for punishment) but 5 days or more is a LIMIT! I simply will not do it. And honestly, I don’t think any Dom who has to put up with me would enjoy anyways.
I am still a sub, this does not lessen or make my submission mean less. It just means that my Dom gets to control me in different ways, And we still do engage in orgasm control. He still teases me, I still have to ask for permission to cum, he gives me instructions on when and how to touch or orgasm. He can still say no to me, and I will still obey.
But shouldn’t I care more about my Doms wants/needs/pleasure? … No! I know what I need to function properly. I know that mentally I cannot handle more than 5 days denial. Just because I know my body, my style, my limits, it doesn’t mean I don’t care about my Dom and pleasing him. It just means I know that I can do it in better ways.
So NO, this butterfly does not do denial.